Forget 8a.nu, Use Strava To Satisfy Your Ego

Let’s admit it. We like to use grades to say, “I’m better than you.” Most climbers want advancement past peon single-digit status. But it begins to get confusing… Some climbers have found ways of boosting their “ability”. Trad climbers especially have developed strategies to enhance their relatively low grades. 5.11? You mean 5.11 X?! You mean E4 6a?! (whatever that means…)  Another one of the best tools to fortify your all-time PR of 5.10c, would be to say, “Not that it matters, but it was a bit sandbagged… it’s more like 5.13.”

Why not avoid the confusion and make the process easier? It’s too much work for a 5.12 sport climber to argue with a V5 boulderer about which is harder. Let me point you to some communities who’ve already found the solution.

The timing app Strava has prevented these issues in running, road cycling, and mountain biking. They just leave it to technology. You can’t argue about who is better, because the leaderboard simply tells you. The KOM (King Of the Mountain), the leader of a certain route or trail, is easily distinguished. 

Let us create a climbing version of Strava. Not something like 8a.nu, which is completely based on subjective grades. That would be too egotistical and biased. The KOM will be determined via reliance on an overly complicated algorithm based on pace, the number of moves on certain hold sizes/types, the amount of hangs, the number of tries, the amount of chalk utilized, if your skin was in “good condition”, the use of knee pads, the number of dabs, and cool Instagram photos. 

No longer will the depths of Mountain Project ring with complaints about sandbagged 5.8+’s, no longer will we passive-aggressively butt heads over biased grades, and no longer will tears come to our eyes when someone calls your hardest send soft. The algorithm will have the final say!