The Best Of MP: What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pads is?”

Time for the next installment of The Best Of MP! Today’s thread is “What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pad is?”. Unsurprisingly, considering the maturity of most young boulders, many responses were along the lines of “a portable fortification device”, so I rooted those out to bring some of the more clever answers. We’ll begin with what I believe is the best:

EJH: My buddy and I were hiking around in Sequoia National Park one summer. Me with a pad and a brush on a painters pole. My friend had a light rack in a backpack with some gear hanging off the back.

After bouldering for the day we popped out onto the trail in front of a big group of tourists. One rather large guy asked loudly "What'd yall doing with that stuff?" After pondering for a minute I told him we were hired by the National Park Service to hike through the forest and clean the moss off the trees, except on the north sides. That way if you get lost, you'll know which way north was. We continued on our way and overheard him say to the group, "That sounds like a lot of work."

Jacob Krenn: When I was living in Yosemite, me and my buddy were bouldering in Tuolumne on a shi*** weather day, when some backpackers stumbled upon us scouting some bouldering in a relatively 'secret' area. We still had our pads on our packs, and they inquired as to the use us the pads. We explained (I thought rather well) their use, and the husband of the couple retorted with "So, your telling me that you climb up cliffs with those pads on your back, and if you fall, you rely on those pads to protect you if you fall on your back?!?". We simply agreed with him, and wandered off.

Monty: 

talus sled

....or my all-time favorite is that we are part of the Ground Squirrel Dental Outreach Program. The Pads are helpful for sedating the squirrels then we use our "tooth formula" (chalk) and Brush their teeth!

Chris Sheridan: It's a prayer mat for a religious cult that is especially popular among 18 to 25 year olds who wear beenies.

Rafe: "a portable drumset folds out of here. Madrock is the name of my band"

From an article posted by Andy Librande: One man said, “There are a thousand of you guys out here today!”

My first thought was, I freakin’ hope not!

Instead, I said, “Yeah, well, there are about two thousand of you guys out here today!”

“Huh?” he said. I had snatched his logic carpet out from under him. The idea that he—not me—was the odd one, reversed his blood flow and destroyed his mind.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I said, not letting up. “You guys. What are you doing out here anyway? I mean, seriously, what are you doing?”

“We-e-ll,” he stammered, “we’re hiking.”

“Like, you just walk around in the woods? And that’s it?” I said, feigning great disbelief.

“Yeah, you know. Hiking,” he said.

“Huh,” I said. “You hear that, Jen? These people come out here and they just walk. Isn’t that wild? Isn’t that just nuts?”

Pooler: I like to just say protection. This leaves them with this kind of stupid look like "protection from what, should I have protection too. What do we need protection from? Is it safe out here?" This answer provides more questions than answers and I get a kick out of the way people respond.

Stephen Burns: Was asked today if it was for wake boarding… Yes. it is.

Woodchuck ATC: Giant 34" super family sized pizza warmer for picnics.

Choss Chasin’: Jet pack

River raft

Alligator trap (even funnier in the mountains)

Hang glider

Portable fridge

The best story I have is when a father with his two sons (both in their mid 20's) saw me and my friends walk by them. The father turned to his kids and said, "look at those stupid F'ing backpacks, what kind of a moron would buy that s*** to go camping with. F'ing stupid kids." I couldn't help but laugh at his condescending stupidity, which only confused him and his kids. I was glad to see such smart folk procreating!

George Heib: Human's aside, we occasionally go out to a local boulderfield that is right off of a horse trail. I was stunned the first time I went out as horses spook very easily when they see something odd. Needless to say, the horse in front of us on the trail jump when it saw our pads on our backs and proceeded to back itself into a shrub corner and waited for us to walk by. That is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen. Horse + crashpad = scared horse.

Pat1077: pads to catch the local insane asylum escapee. you should watch out for him, he tends to lick people

Jim Dangle: Iphone carrying case.

Have said this to people many times expecting them to know I am joking but they never seem to.

https://coffeetapeclimb.com/2016/05/02/when-people-ask-what-your-crash-pad-is-10-responses/: No idea. A guy back on the trail gave me 20 bucks to hike it to his buddy on the other side of the park. He said not to open it; it’s carrying “magic fluff.”

chris murphy: three piece organ.

sydney thompson: “It’s an extreme mountain ping pong table”